January 28, 2014
Finding joy between cancer follow-up appointments
BY Brandie Sellers
All cancer sucks. However, I must admit (not-so-secretly) that I envy people who complete cancer treatment. In my case, breast cancer treatment has been constant since my diagnosis and recurrence in 2011. I often return to MD Anderson for CT scans, bone scans, chest ultrasounds and other tests that come along with having a later stage breast cancer diagnosis. The scans are never completely clear, and there's always something to watch. Living without absolutes really messes with my head.
Living from cancer treatment follow-up exam to follow-up exam
I'm always hesitant to make plans for more than six months ahead of time. That's how often I have my follow-up scans. With so much uncertainty, it's easy for me to get into the pattern of living my life in short bursts. I wonder, "Why plan something for next year? What if I'm in cancer treatment again?"
I'm afraid that if I allow myself to really throw open the curtains and feel the sun on my face I will eventually get smacked back down into despair. If I allow myself to celebrate having no evidence of disease (NED) it will all be made a lie because the cancer will come back anyway.
TopicsBreast Cancer Survivorship
I don't want qualifiers attached to my joy. I want joy, not 'joy, but.'