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Couples Walk Hand-in-Hand Through Cancer

CancerWise - February 2007

Last fall, at the Anderson Network’s Living Fully With and Beyond Cancer Conference for patients and caregivers, two couples spoke candidly about how cancer has affected their relationships and how they support each other on a daily basis.

Beth Sanders Moore and Jess Moore

Beth is a breast cancer survivor. Her treatment included chemotherapy, radiation and a lumpectomy, and she takes tamoxifen. Jess is her husband.

The couple, who own a business together, have been married 22 years. In 2005, Jess surprised Beth by founding the Beth Sanders Moore Young Breast Cancer Survivors’ Program at M. D. Anderson.

Rhonda Hassenbusch and Sam Hassenbusch, M.D., Ph.D.

Sam, a professor in M. D. Anderson’s Department of Neurosurgery, changed from physician to patient when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2005. Rhonda is his wife.

Sam and Rhonda married in 1972, when he was 18 and she was 19. They have three grown children and a granddaughter.

What tools did you use to deal with cancer diagnosis and treatment?

Jess: You’ve got to go through it arm in arm and with your eyes wide open. Beth and I agreed to be honest about what we were feeling. We talked about everything, and we planned.

Also, it was really important for us to reach out to friends to talk about our experience.

Beth: I couldn’t do as much work as I used to, so I had to prioritize every day about what needed to be done so I could get through treatment. And I learned to delegate a lot more.

Not every patient is able to do this, but I worked out at 5:30 a.m. every day. At work, I took breaks and napped. I tried to keep my body as normal as possible and not let the disease overwhelm me.

The Moores’ advice for other couples is to:

  • Prioritize
  • Stay active
  • Keep a journal of side effects
  • Be proactive in avoiding side effects
  • Remain hopeful
  • Communicate about everything

How did cancer affect your life as a couple?

Sam: Communication is key. It’s important to talk about all the details of your cancer, including tests and test results.

Rhonda: Communicating about it wasn’t difficult. For six weeks, Sam was on steroids, which made him more talkative. Put a Type A personality on steroids, and he talks – usually from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. It was a blessing because I learned a lot about neurosurgery and his disease.

She offers these tips for partners:

  • Keep up with your spouse’s treatment schedule
  • Be involved in all the treatments
  • Talk to other patients at treatments
  • Support stress-relieving activities (Sam rides a motorcycle)

What would you tell people who have just been diagnosed?

Sam: Even if you feel lousy, it pays off in the long run to stay active. Also, keep calories coming into the body. Push the food in. It’s not easy but do whatever it takes. Rhonda makes double cheeseburgers for me.

Get as much information as you can about your disease and treatment options. Ask questions and research on the Internet.

Rhonda: Surround yourself with people who give you a kind word. If there’s no family close by, find other people, neighbors, friends. And don’t think you’re the only one out there.

The couple says these tips worked for them:

  • Write down side effects so you know what to expect after the next treatment
  • Eat as much as you can to maintain strength
  • Brush and floss teeth frequently
  • Take medications as directed and on time
  • Spend time with positive people
  • Help your spouse around the house if you can

How has faith and spirituality sustained you?

Jess: Beth’s and my spirituality have grown as a result of her cancer. Now it’s a very real and palpable part of our lives.

Sam: Faith is vital no matter what you believe. I always had strong spiritual beliefs, but cancer has taken my spiritual growth to a whole new plateau.

What encouragement can you give other couples?

Jess: To those under treatment and surviving: Congratulations and keep going. There is a positive end here.

— From staff reports

M. D. Anderson resources:

CancerWise - In the February 2007 Issue


© 2009 The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center